"If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

"But what she noticed first was a bright red wooden tray with a number of rings on it. They were in pairs-- a yellow one and a green one together, then a little space, and then another yellow one and another green one. They were no bigger than ordinary rings, and no one could help noticing them because they were so bright. They were the most beautifully shiny little things you can imagine. If Polly had been a very little younger she would have wanted to put one in her mouth."

The Magician's Nephew, C. S. Lewis.


I love the way this leads up to the final sentence which is perfect and accurate, because by the end of the paragraph, the words have become so delicious, I want to be Polly and slip the shiny little ring in my mouth too. The genius of "a very little younger!"

Personal short #7

I saw in the mirror looking at the face a face that was mine and after I was done looking it stayed after me looking after me until I was gone and it was done.

Personal Short #6

I was leaning back and she was looking at me in the face, not unkindly. She said you don't have to get rid of it but it will always give you trouble.

Note on Music.

"Music is the ferment of a particular sensitivity, very acute, as much as, and even more than, passion itself. It is a danger, a benefit for the person who knows how to take it.

I mean that its charm is irresistible, and one escapes in spirit with it so promptly into a better world, so that sometimes, without deliberation or reasoning, one can postpone the accomplishment of certain tedious acts necessary to us: 'Martha, Martha. I have never forgotten you, and I love you more than Mary. It is she who turns me away from you at her hour when she comes. I do not call her.'"

To Myself, Odilon Redon 1900

Personal Short # 5

The dog wouldn't stop barking. I couldn't read without it barking at every paragraph break. You said you didn't feed it any more. You said you didn't know how it got in and you didn't know why it wouldn't go away.

Personal Short #4

I trained to do it. I trained by thinking and thinking.

If only she knew.

"Aloha, my friend

My happiness! I ask you, answer me!
I’m absolutely adequate and cheerful person. But the thing is that I’m working much, sometimes even too much and because of it I’m lack of men attention. I’m catastrophically out of time for my private life and to build my own happiness. That is why I have to use power and might of the modern life – Internet. My only desire is to find a Man, the real and desired one. But otherwise this is not an end in itself. In man I appreciate the good sense of humor and even can forbid some shortcomings if he will be able to make me laugh. Do you want me to cook for you? You are right!
My dishes will effect you! Do you want to have pretty woman nearby? You will be dazzeled by my beauty. Believe me, I am your treasure!"

I love the nightlife.

The last line says it all.



Photo by Paul Constant.

The Age of Iron and Bronze

First Phase of Sound from "Bambi's Long Journey into Night"

1. An Ode to the Nocturnal Muse / of Montreal
2. (this is) The Dream of Electric Sheep / Ming & Ping
3. Dumb Head / The Sharades
4. Out Of Teen Revisited / Hawnay Troof
5. Dipped In Vaseline / Mickey Avalon
6. the leash / Xiu Xiu
7. Feel All Right / Oblivians
8. God Has a Voice, She Speaks Through Me / CocoRosie
9. Transformer / Gnarls Barkley
10. Babystrich / Stereo Total
11. Sixteen / Iggy Pop
12. ike and tina / Jamie T
13. Beatific / Glass Candy
14. Caida Libre / Mala Rodriguez
15. Passing Me By (Hot Chip Remix) / The Pharcyde
16. Swim / Lil Mama
17. Young And Beautiful / The Raveonettes
18. pick up the pieces / Space Ballerinas
19. Get Down On The Floor / Yo Majesty
20. Practical Money Skills For Life / Oh No Ono
21. Beautiful Song / CSS
22. Forever Young / Alphaville
23. How To Hang A Warhol / Little Joy
24. Tongue Tied / Erase Errata
25. Spread Yr Legss, Release the Bats / Die Monitr Batss
26. When You're Young and in Love / The Marvelettes

Another World

The not-so-new Antony track and title of his new EP is a fantastic expression of fiction. The song comes across as a quiet, but seriously powerful spell, an incantation brought into being through the repetition of phrasing, verbal and musical and the listing of objects. The song starts gently and calmly, the fingers on the piano are sure and confident. We hear almost immediately beneath and behind the clear chords the sound of a whining feedback which runs alongside and counter to the beauty of the struck notes, an alien thing beneath the human made. He sings: "I need another place" and once the speaker decides to speak, to sing, there is no way away from his words and what they unleash. The speaker must carry it through to the end. The need for this new place (hopefully peaceful) has transformed his world and he cannot go back. The need for this safety overrides regret. He lists all the things he loved (the sea, the snow, the animals, the bees, the birds, the wind) and in naming them gives life to them briefly one more time. The words fall away and the little creatures fade. He seemingly moves forward, and again that whistling, whining wind, (the [absent] lover he was kissing "so long") rises up and sweeps his previous position away, leaving only the vanishing world and the wind and the silence all around it. I think about The Nothing in the Neverending Story. The Infinite Sadness. The song never falters. Step by step, chord by chord it advances through the fear and into something completely new and hopefully better.

As a counterpoint: "Asleep," by the Smiths and lovingly covered by Xiu Xiu. "There is another world / There is a better world / Well, there must be" The desire stated in this song is for vanishing of the self, for something more than and beyond sleep, more than waking up alone, again, day after day. The idea that the speaker is incomplete never being allowed gladness and joy and how much that makes one a faliure. The quietness of failure and what terrible solitude there is in not being able to escape failure.

Language, Pleasure and Disfiguration

"No object is in a constant relationship with pleasure (Lacan, apropos of Sade). For the writer, however, this object exists: it is not the language, it is the mother tongue. The writer is someone who plays with his mother's body (I refer to Pleynet on Lautréamont and Matisse): in order to glorify it, to embellish it, or in order to dismember it, to take it to the limit of what can be known about the body: I would go so far as to take bliss in a disfiguration of the language, and opinion will strenously object, since it opposes 'disfiguring nature.'"

"What is significance? It is meaning, insofar as it is sensually produced."

Roland Barthes, The Pleasure of the Text.

Personal Short #3

I said why don't you set the table and you said why don't you set it? I said I'm opening the wine and you said I'll do it. I'll do both things.

Personal Short #2

I found my pen in your drawer. I asked you if you had seen it and you told me no. It was in your drawer but I don't know if you knew it was there or not or even if you knew what pen I meant.

Personal Short #1

I wanted you to eat them, for the good of you. I said, they're seeds. They're just seeds. But you wouldn't do it even though it was the only way. You wouldn't do it because you found it disgusting. I didn't but you did. I said, this is the only thing separating us. You wouldn't look at me and I couldn't say anything. Everything was wrong so I left.

Notes for Liner Notes for "Age of Iron and Bronze" (Draft One)

1. At the beginning: the meditation, the invocation of the muse. An opening into the possibilities of dream, of transformation. "We won't notice when we're dead." A hint of what will come at the end, sleep falling away with the music. Hero luxuriating in self-made (god-made) world. Rough (unformed) state.

2. Upon waking, another dream. Unmoving, mechanical pulse. City life. Unflinching ("this city's not for sleeping"). The necessities of the human form. "Actions turn to feelings."

3. Introduction of Hero. Crude synths, squalling voice. Foolishness. Reveling in.

4. State of youth. "Live for no Rules." Idea that youth is temporary, but sustainable.

5. Entry into Perversion. (Trial by Fag.) Recounting of "harder, cruder times." The Picaresque. Emergence of "greater, more potent" masculinity. The Swagger of Youth. Trial of Arrogance. (Note the buried "Genius of Love" sample.

6. Trial of Abjection. Temptation into and of death. "Born to suffer, born only to die." "A dog will rut its way into Harm, when let off the Leash."

7. The plea for the Gods' assistance. Lowest of the low. The Plea for and granting of strength. Urgency and Wildness. Hips moving. Ecstatic ritual of dancing and handclapping.

8. Trial of God's voice. Chiming of bells. Hero becomes the vessel and the Hammer. Awakening from dream. "My Heart is pounding, waiting for--"

9. Awakening and Transformation. The Hero Becomes the Hero. "No telling who I will have to be again."

10. The Hero becomes the Independent Self. "She would step into their car." Awareness of power.

11. Sweet Sixteen. "And Leather Boots."

12. "Love it when they live it." "Run, run sonny." Experience.

13. "I'm only 17, but my love is for real."

14. The 2nd Vision. Red Pill or Blue Pill? A choice, or perhaps just a way of seeing. "Poison or Remedy?" "Hey DJ, bring that back!" Dancing is Dangerous.

15. Free Fall. "Me vendo cara." Suggestions of Booty Bass, ecstatic dance.

16. What one was at an early state. The re-imagining of one's history. Youth remembers his youth.

17. Hero is wistful at her "mark" setting her apart from others. The understanding that those who may travel worlds cannot safely bring others with them. (See also: the Little Mermaid, attempts to study deep-sea creatures, "Lipgloss")

18. Trial by Beauty.

19. "At the Disco trying to feel better." "and all the animals are fighting over who's gonna get the last. . ." "he gave her a handful of love" (anna oxygen) Forgetting self through dancing. [See: Dancing is Dangerous.]

20. Ditto. But regaining control. Triumph and conquer (through Dancing.)

21. Return to the city. "Understand the time has come to say goodbye."

22. Perhaps: I don't want to perish like a fading Horse. (Trial by Ponies.)

23. The Origins of the Bambi Party. Desire for and adoration of the state of being twitterpated. Springtime. Love in the air, state of youth, the young in the sunlight being young.

Hours of Work

For the Upcoming Bambi XX-Travaganza I am asking that attendees bring a small plate or large platter of goodies, either sweet or savory. Hopefully these will be finger ready, one bite bitlets. Creativity encouraged! Sweet or Savory little cocktail nibbly preciousness. Sign up in the comments what yr. bringing so there won't be overlap. I will make some things also, just not quite sure what yet.

XOXO
Bambs.

A to B

I try to keep personal effects or mopings off the blog-- it just seems like airing dirty laundry. Maybe this isn't true that I do this, but I like to think that I do, that these trivialities are not interesting to anyone except myself. But this is not triviality.

I may or may not have lost one 14th of my music library through an annoying iTunes guerilla attack. Specifically all music from A-B. That includes but is not limited to: All Antony, Bjork, Built to Spill, Beyoncé, Bahamadia, Art Brut, Bonde do Role, ABBA, Aretha Franklin, Anna Oxygen, Bronksi Beat. Also, any and all collaborations between Bjork and Antony. It may or not have been through my own dull headedness, but I think not.

Watch for me in a black armband, and with ashes in my hair in addition to the already scarred forehead. I feel numb. I need (myth of) closure.

"Living Solutions"

It says "Living Solutions" across the top and this is maybe the title of the manual M. B. gave me last night. (If manuals have titles.) Appropriately, I opened it to this phrase:



CAUTION: Keep fingers away from the Needle (25). The Needle (25) will pierce your skin if your finger comes in contact with it.

Self Portraits on a NYC median, 2007. (Narcissism)

On every occasion I'm ready for a funeral, Pt. II.

(Resurrection)

Well, I am glad I didn't full page obituary my fave blue jeans, cuz they fit again.

All play and no work and too much Spanish beer make Bambi gordito.

That is all.